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Overport Road
Frankston South, VIC, 3199
Australia

(03) 9787 3633

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Outstanding Writers

We have outstanding writers at Derinya! This year all the students and teachers at our school have been working hard, focusing on reading widely, developing their authorial voice and using author ‘tricks’ to ensure their writing is engaging, authentic and vivid!

To celebrate this hard work, each fortnight we will be selecting one piece of truly outstanding writing to share with the community. This writing will be a short piece, possibly part of a longer piece of writing, which will be read aloud at assembly, shared on our website and collected (with the other exemplars) in a compilation of outstanding writing and placed in our library.

This work will be selected from our middle and senior school, Grades 3 – 6. The junior school, Grades F-2, will continue to celebrate wonderful writing and excellent efforts through the school WOW awards which are published in the newsletter and celebrated at assembly each fortnight.

Our first Outstanding Writing Award has been selected from Grade 4. The teachers and students in Grade 4 have been exploring the concept of ‘Tightening Tension’. They have looked at exemplars and discussed how great authors create tension that builds in the middle of a story. In the following extract from Naomi F’s story, we can see that she has worked hard to build drama and atmosphere in her narrative. The Grade 4 teachers selected this piece because they felt it was evocative, engaging and encapsulated the idea of ‘Tightening Tension’. We hope you will enjoy reading the outstanding writing produced by our students.

An extract from ‘lost’ by naomi in grade 4

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“What’s up ahead?” I yell to my best friend, Amanda.

I watch the carbon dioxide come out of my mouth as I exhale, shivering. Suddenly, the huskies slip on a patch of ice and start skidding down the mountain. Amanda expertly throws a dagger at the sleigh, stopping it from falling into the rocky cavern beneath. All our luggage falls out and the huskies run away in all directions. The wood that Amanda’s dagger had pinned breaks, and the sleigh falls. Amanda starts to go to get her dagger, but I quickly yell, “Don’t! You’ll fall!”

We continue to trek up the mountain when we hear a howl piercing the air. Wolves! They start creeping out from the trees, and our initial reaction? RUN! We race up the mountain, the wolves in hot pursuit.

Amanda slips and falls into some jagged rocks. She can’t get up. I carry her up the rest of the mountain, only to find a gargantuan avalanche careening towards us. The wolves dig and dive into the snow, but their burrows are too small to fit us in. Suddenly, I feel a ton of weight and everything fades to nothing…

THE GOBLIN SHARK BY JOSH IN GRADE 5

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In the darkest depths of the midnight zone, the giant like Goblin Shark lurks beneath, waiting silently for the right moment to strike.

The Goblin Shark has dagger like teeth to shred its prey into tiny pieces in a matter of seconds. Or at other times practically inhaling its prey alive, then chewing it making its see through gills blood red.

The long slender nose of the Goblin Shark would be the first thing you saw before getting completely sucked into the slimy, sharp and horrifying mouth.

The Goblin Shark is the perfect apex predator of the midnight zone, leaving no place to hide because it might just be behind you.